A chick forgot to put the cap back on it. That’s what happened.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty.
But tbh I'm so paranoid about everything and I'm a big baby. Before i got the MRI I heard it was a big magnet, freaked out, thought I would explode and rescheduled it.
I thought the eyelash extensions would get ripped from my eyes and fly off into the magnet 🤣
Can black people pick an n-word that’s harder to say so this shit stops happening?
Earlier today, while reporting on the tragic news of Kobe Bryant’s passing, I unfortunately stuttered on air, combining the names of the Knicks and the Lakers to say “Nakers.” Please know I did not & would NEVER use a racist term. I apologize for the confusion this caused.
Now do Mexicans!
The stereotype that all white people fuck their siblings
Is just like the stereotype that all Chinese people eat bats/dogs/mice
That limerick is meant to be educational.
Some of u r so entitled because you’ve never experienced racism in your life & it’s shows
As soon as I came to America, I was greeted with “chinese, Japanese, dirty knees” in elementary school
Now, it’s from “conservatives” that I used to call my friends
Goddamn. Biden touches girls like I would if I was invisible.
Joe Biden's Instagram Stories are next level stuff.
Is it racist to say that Chinese people live in China?
Y’all complaining that Chinese people eat certain animals
Yet y’all eat tide pods
One is edible, one isn’t.
Point is, every country has people that do stupid stuff for views.
Relax with the racism.
It ain’t cute.
It was hot girls for Bernie. Not girls who are hot for Bernie. And certainly not hippos from the Fantasia ballet scene who are hot for Bernie.
I love this! Gotta Jump in on this one. I am hot for Bernie because he fights for humanity & has been walking the walk his entire life. A man like that is sexy as hell. #hotgirlsforbernie
I’ll take my chances with the virus.
@LABasedComedian@twitter.com The only eay to fight Coronavirus is to have a sweet taste of Corona beer.
.@email@example.com, never have I been more “everyone”. Call into my show! http://Patreon.com/TheDickShow
Steve, people who have just published a book want to be interviewed by EVERYONE. https://twitter.com/Steve_Sailer/status/1220870080851898368
Hey everybody, send me the best #hotgirlsforbernie you can find. We’re going hog hunting!
@LABasedComedian@twitter.com how about a “hot girls for Bernie” hashtag roast this week?
Lol. That’s one way to deal with the protests in Hong Kong! Gg, China.
A husband and wife Chinese spy team were recently removed from a Level 4 Infectious Disease facility in Canada for sending pathogens to the Wuhan facility. The husband specialized in coronavirus research. #coronaviruschina #CoronaOutbreak https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/chinese-researcher-escorted-from-infectious-disease-lab-amid-rcmp-investigation-1.5211567
Sounds like coerced consent.
She knew I posted this (because I asked first) and she just asked to hear what people said. One dude (now blocked) said it never happened. She said “oh, just tell him I had a bad dream and was scared, I got her off my dresser to be brave”. She’s so freaking wholesome.
It’s so fucking funny. For the first time in my life, I can’t even.
After consultation with our Great Military Leaders, designers, and others, I am pleased to present the new logo for the United States Space Force, the Sixth Branch of our Magnificent Military!
Beautiful! Invoice me.
umm, @LABasedComedian@twitter.com, I'm gonna need you to pay me for the cufflinks I send you as a gift. also the ones for Sean. preferably also all the other stuff I send to you and yours. oh, and next time I send you something, I'm gonna need money upfront. you can't be trusted!
Is that worse than global warming?
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD - the new coronavirus is a 3.8!!! How bad is that reproductive R0 value? It is thermonuclear pandemic level bad - never seen an actual virality coefficient outside of Twitter in my entire career. I’m not exaggerating... #WuhanCoronovirus #CoronavirusOutbreak
Hello Dick and hello Dickheads, this is the Dick Show Mastodon for the foreseeable future.